This black hole is like a spinning wheel. When I am not “home” – meaning: when I am not present and alive as myself in this body – I observe that the wheel starts spinning and the black hole becomes anxious and hungered. Then it generates emotions – and emotions are used to connect to situations and people from where it can feed. And what I observe is that.. it does not feed from the situations and people but rather.. the situations and people pull out my attention – and then the black hole feeds itself from my attention to this situations. And from there it’s like a fractal road down, where it creates more and more situations of the same type I lent my attention on – so it can feed itself more and more. At first I thought that the people around are “eating” my energy – when in fact, the primal thing is this “creature” inside – this inner child, this black hole … that creates the situations and allows for my energy to be pulled away. And by energy I mean: my attention – of course. The source of all life.
It is a sort of complementary: this black hole inside is the means through which outside people and situations can extract my energy. Without this inner black hole, this crying hungry child, outside people and events would have zero ways to reach me. I would look at them but I would feel zero connections to their voice, their situations, their problems, or anything. It is a mutual thing: the outside predators and the inner black hole. They can work only together. They are – in a sense – connecting to this black hole inside to extract energy. It’s like the prerequisite condition for outside energy extraction is that this black hole inside is spinning and activated. It works hand in hand. If I am in the centre of myself.. zero energy can be extracted.
As I become more and more zero, more and more residing in the centre of myself, as myself – the inner sun shines bright upon everyone and everything – and the black hole becomes inexistent almost. It’s a sort of: when I am awake the inner child can sleep, and when I am asleep the inner child awakes and cries.
This is why I always see point zero as being my real home. In zero I am myself, I remember my real home, my friends, my family – and not only that: I start to recognise the truth of everything around me.