A history of disconection

Part 1: Addiction to pain

Almost all of us have this subconscious fear of being happy. Or let’s say: peaceful. Successful. This fear is that huge, yet so subconscious, like fearing ones own dissolvance or disappearance. We almost all fear attaining that which we say we want the most.

And as crazy as it sounds, almost all of us are addicted – to a degree or another – to pain.

Pain is usually used, in this creation here, as an identity builder. As much as I have problems, there are still things for me to do. To solve. To fix. To overcome. Things happen for me.. and they need me. So I attain a sense of identity by being needed by my problems.

Pain first sprouted when we decided to disconnect ourselves from the light within. The light within, the soul, the spirit, the higher self – call it what you may – was our guiding compass in experiencing creation.

Part2 : Light and Dark and why does it matter

A creation is usually not light and not dark. A creation is a creation. Think of a creation like a room with objects in it. The room is neither good nor bad. The room is a room and the objects are the objects.

Some objects can be sharp and sting, like a knife, some other objects can be fluffy and gentle.. like a pillow. My body and the objects have definite relations between them. If I step on the knife there is a high probability that the knife will cut the skin on my body. This is why I usually don’t use my body to step on knifes. If I hug a pillow chances are that it will feel nice and I could sleep on it. So while inside a creation in a physical body, any type of creation and any type of physical body, there are rules that apply between the “objects” of that creation. Life is experienced in a certain way following some set outlines.

Now.. if the room is lighted up I can see all objects in the room and I can guide myself and interact with them in full awareness of my body and the objects. I can see the knife from a distance, I can go to it, pick it up and place it on the table. This is how light universes work.

If the room is dark, I cannot see the objects anymore. The objects continue to be there in the room, it is just my body who lost the ability to perceive them from a distance. So now I need to slowly make my way through the room, gently touching each object to understand its property and know how to interact with it. If I hurry and don’t pay enough attention my body could step on the knife and experience a cut. This is how the dark universes work.

Light universes bring us much more speed in creating creations, as all the properties of the main framework are open for anyone to know and use. We usually use light when we want to rapidly incorporate ideas, sketch out initial layouts or just play around and have fun.

Dark universes bring us much more juice of exploration because the slower pace and apparent lack of knowledge, helps us stretch our imagination, intelligence and helps us come up with creative ways to bridge that lack of knowledge.

Many times we use both the light and the dark tool to experience and create with. And sometimes in the same creation we can unite both light and dark, known and un-known, as in this one. One part of us we keep it always in full awareness of the whole creation, ourselves and the beings around, helping us know and take fast decisions and make rapid choices, and another part of us we can make it “blind” and we use it for developing much more careful compositions, increasing intelligence and developing imagination. By using both of them we can both expand ourselves and grow ourselves, at the same time.

Usually there is zero conflict between these two ways of experiencing with life. Anyone is free to pick up and use its preferred tools, and we all respect the ways of another. And there are many other colors as well, outside of the light and dark tools.

And usually – while in a light and dark universe, we experience ourselves being split between: our light self and our dark self. The part of us who is fully aware and the part of us who discovers by interracting. The one who sees and the one who touches.

Usually these two parts are in full contact with one another, always leaning and working together, at each step, each choice, each action. The dark self would always lean its ear on the light self to see its guidance. The light self would always follow closely each step the dark self would make. And this is how the light and dark works together as a team.

Part 3: When things changed

While inside dark creations – rooms where the light is off – we can opt for using the light within as our guiding compass. Our light self who is already in full awareness of the whole room can send us indications and advices on where to move and what to do next. Still.. this is not necessarily the rule. Some beings could decide to go fully inside a dark universe without a guiding compass and just figure it out on the spot. Discover and develop themselves step by step, according to each situation they encounter – without guidance from the light self. Like going to a foreign country with just your hands in your pocket. This is an option many of us take in many dark universes, wanting to experience ourselves moment by moment in a new and surprising way – take decisions, make mistakes, grow skills and intelligence, as a result.

Still.. as of the beings we find ourselves in this present creation, from what I can see, mostly all of us have opt for having our guiding compass with us. Our light within. Soul (sol = sun). Higher self.

From what I can see: we all use it to guide our actions.

This meant our light self who would be in full awareness of everything would send us indications, while we are experiencing ourselves in this dark universe.

And we would always have a choice. Even if my light self would send me a specific indication to do or act in a specific way, I would always be able to decide if I want to use that indication or not. The choice was always mine (me as the dark self): do I want to act according to the “advice” I receive from my light self, or.. use my own developed intelligence and skills to asses that situation? I always had and have this choice. Even if I would choose not to act upon the indications received from it, my light self would continue to see everything I do and closely watch me step by step. My light self is forever knowing and seeing me – even in the moment I write this text here 🙂

What happened is that – at some point, some beings decided to take the game to the next level. And the next level was: while inside a light and dark creation, obfuscate the connection with the light self. Make that light connection: dark! 🙂 Shut the light within. Disconnect the plug. Etc. Etc 🙂

Of course it was all tested in our simulated virtual reality universe, but still. For our minds it was experienced as being 100% real.

We said: let’s see how this connection develops if we make the dark self apparently un-aware of the light self, even if they decided to work together as a team, in this particular journey. The light self would continue to see the dark self and send indications at each step of the journey, but now the dark self would be under the impression of not hearing anything. So a huge sense of lack, abandonment and fear arouse for the dark self.

And how was this done? The connection between two parts of the same self can never be severed. Like severing the connection between my two hands. My two selves would always be part of me, always connected to one another. That is a real truth of what I am in this creation here. But.. i could play pretend as one side of me lost the connection to the other. So.. first of all, it all started with our agreement to play as if this scenario is true. It all started with our mutual agreement. We willingly sold our “soul” (sol = sun) to the devil 🙂

And, inside the experience itself in order to make the dark self loose from touch the connection with the light self and the indications received from it, an interesting technology was employed. The transmission from the light self could never be truly severed, as I mentioned, but.. it could be imitated and impersonated by false lights. So the dark self was not infused with a plethora of similar signals to the ones received by its light self. And now the dark self was falling madly in love with so many versions of the things he loved.

This process was similar to what the snake in the myth of Adam and Eve did. The snake came and offered a different option to Eve, an option that sounded normal and sane, but different from her own path. This is how the dark self was presented not with one, but with a multiverse of options – incredibly similar, but not exactly its own.

So now the dark self had to carefully distinguish the real path from a multitude of false ones. As much as a dark self would be able to do this, it would be able to advance in the game. As much as it would be distracted or caught up in the false paths, well.. it would just remain in the same place, thinking he has moved forward.

So a new type of connection between these two selves was created and strengthened. By this disconnection we furthered understood the magnitudes of trust and what that really means. Self trust – mostly. Before this disconnection we barely knew the concept of trust or what that really is.

Of course.. the story here is laid out in its simplest form. If we are to think that this creation we are in has a vast multitude of unimaginable facets, levels and properties – many of them being created and developed on the spot, forever changing its road, its paths .. its properties and objects, now you can begin to have a much better understanding of the complexity and depth of this game 🙂 And still.. here we are 🙂

Before going further – meaning: back to my original point – I need to say that not all players in this game experience it the same. Some players have boarded up to experience this disconnection in a small degree, some others in a higher degree. Some others came here just for observing and learning, some others came here to directly affect and change the game from inside out, or to create new levels of it. The purposes of the players are quite vast and different. Many players came here in teams or allegiances, also.

Part 4 – A matter of trust?

So back to pain. Pain sprouts out of confusion. Out of us experiencing something different than we knew we should. A path similar to the one we knew we should be on, but slightly different, enough to know that’s not the true one we should be on.

And this is what pain is – here in this creation. Us choosing something different than what our light self indicates.

And not all creations choose to have pain when the dark self chooses something different than what the light self indicates! So many creations just lean enough power on the dark self and support it to divert from the main path, knowing the dark self is sufficiently powerful and intelligent, and will make the most profound usage of those sideways. But apparently in this specific creation here, pain is experienced when we side track. And this is one reason for why a part of me I find it to be in disapproval and anger towards this creation or the creators that have created this game in this way. Still another part of me, the bigger one, understands life to such a degree that I can barely be anything but mesmerised by the masterpiece of this current creation, as shitty as it appears to be in some occasions.

Another thing that I see is that.. it might be that in this creation here, the light self doesn’t fully trust the dark self. Otherwise it would allow it to go astray, being curious on the knowledge and skills the dark self could develop, without the need for pain. Either this, or.. pain started to be added when time was running off. Maybe the dark self was wondering in loops for too much time, not developing anything new.. but not remembering how to get back on track, either. Who knows. Anyway.. I see all of this experience happening inside a sort of un-aware child being – who is yet to develop its capacity of fully mastering its light and dark selves. Either the light self doesn’t trust the dark self – trying to make it walk the path the light decides, or the dark self doesn’t trust the light, trying to wonder of and have its own experiences. Something happens. Otherwise I can see small chances of this present experience happening like this.

Part 5: Remembering our real nature

So fully back to pain, and to my original thoughts. While inside this particular experiment of disconnection – there were vast new experiences now made possible. Many – almost all dark selves from what I can see – fell in love with pain, at some point. Pain meant the possibility for them to go astray, choose what they want, and make incredible discoveries and developments on their own, at the cost of loosing connection with their light self / soul / spirit.

For many beings, at this point, re-uniting back with their light self, with their soul, can feel almost terrifying. Like loosing all their free will, their developed and accumulated skills, powers, and so many other things. Something they insist on delaying for eons, if I see this correctly. For many dark selves that uniting back with their own light selves feels like a true dissolvance of everything they have builded themselves to be on their own. Their whole universal identity – not only this human one.

Hence: many dark selves still cling to their problems, their pain and thus: their perceived independency.

And here is where I, personally, view a need for true remembrance of what we truly are. As much as we remember our true nature – above the light and dark game – we can accept loosening up on this rock solid identifications we have grown with these light and dark roles and to this particular creation. Even the selves – the light, the dark, and the multi colored ones also existing, are just constructions. Games. All of them.

Our true reality resides outside of any game, outside of any imagination or creation. Reconnecting back with that place, from what I can see, can help us loosen up .. and by this relaxation we can truly see the real puzzle and purpose of our existence in this creation.

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Article written mainly from [Level 3 – The real creation] perspective.

All levels I see and write from can be checked here.