Part 1: Thoughts and personality
Thoughts appear in order to protect us from the pain.
I even feel baffled at times when I so little see this truth portrayed.
While observing myself I see that whenever a huge load of roaming thoughts are swarming my perception, the first under layer I see is usually a situation causing me anxiety or fear. If I dare to look deeper than that situation I knock my head on this inner underlying pain, which appears to be non causal. Nothing provokes it, it just appears to be there. Situations that happen just help to intensify it so then I have a better chance at seeing it – just like someone stirring the sand under an ocean. The pain is there before the painful situations happens, though. And when a situation happens this inner pain gets triggered, and if I happen to be in rejection mode, where I want to avoid feeling it – then fear and anxiety kick in. So then the fear or anxiety creates thoughts in order to divert my attention away from the pain, and into a mental realm where I rule in perfection, where I am always ok, I always have the perfect answer, the perfect attitude, and I always win any situation :)))
So this is how the mind is wired to operate – to protect us by diverting our attention away from the pain. And this is only the beginning. In many cases the mind then creates an elaborate shield around the pain, many times the user never even understanding or seeing it anymore. The user then starts living almost fully inside of its head, trying to make sense of a reality constructed by the mind.
The mind then creates judgements, definitions, labels, stories and most importantly: beliefs, to act as the shield around the pain. Beliefs are like drugs, btw. They gives us something nice, sweet and cosy we can imagine about ourselves in order to escape reality. And the entire set of defences (judgements, definitions, labels, stories, beliefs) become what we usually call: personality. Almost everything we THINK and BELIEVE (be+live) ourselves to be is only a fabricated story created in the mind, to defend us from the truth of who or what we actually are.
Part 2: Accepting what we are
What I have come to see – also – is that that truth of what I really am is far from being that bad and scary as the mind makes it think. Usually it appears at first to be something impossible to accept, but later many times – as I have come to see – I realise that that is indeed my real power. Traits, skills, possibilities that really define who I am – even though they might contradict the standards of society or the beliefs I have about myself.
Who I am is who I am, and this is unchangeable – no matter how many stories the mind can fabricate about myself.
So.. for anyone interested and feeling the pull towards re-owning itself and coming back to life, the first step I can advise is in observing the thoughts, rather than give them immediate credit. The pull away from the mental field and back into the reality of the body. The centering of focus inwardly, towards the next perceived reality, under the thoughts: the emotions, the fears, the pain. The owning and accepting whatever one finds there. And sometimes.. the asking for help and support when one feels overwhelmed.
So .. next time you feel yourself caught in thoughts, try stoping and see what hurts.
I have also to portray that.. by investing our energy and attention in the thoughts (eg: enforcing the defences) we only achieve in growing this pain more and more. Eventually everyone and everything has to face the truth of what it is, and this pain – from my experience and observation – has a stronger will than the mind, and is eventually braking the defences. It’s just a matter of time before accepting the inevitable: the truth what we really are. 🙂