The way we live
Part1: The face in the crowd
I think I was 26 yr of age when I had an interesting encounter. I was walking one day in the center of Bucharest, the capital city of Romania. Quite a crowded place, full of people, cars and buildings. I was briefly passing to get to some location. Out of the mass of people walking in all directions, entering and leaving stores, walking in and out of busses, fuzzing in all directions, I was suddenly struck to see a particular face. It was a guy. A slightly typical looking.. normal haircut, normal clothing, but something about his appearance deeply struck me. I had a sort of deep feeling I know him.
All throughout this life I was mostly atypical when it comes to relations. I rarely felt the need to push or strive for a relation even when I would find people I like. The shyness and insecurities also added to this. So pursuing or trying to talk with this guy, even though I was deeply struck, was far from being my way. So I just walked passed him and that’s it.
I think it was maybe 1 week after.. when I was finding myself again in the city, and in a random moment .. out of a crowd of people.. I saw that face again. I was struck, I couldn’t believe.. the same guy. What were the chances? He didn’t notice me, btw. In both occasions he was busy with walking towards where he was going or doing. So again.. I walked by. But the second time I remember how impactful that was. There was something about him. His appearance would seem quite mundane, but for me something about him would make it look out of this world. His face, there was something about that face. I knew him.
So .. in that period I was having one friend, a boy whom I appreciated a lot. A being whom I found to be creative and intelligent, whom was doing projects to change or improve on the world. I was deeply appreciating this guy and felt for him like my little brother. One day this guy said if I want to go out with him and his girlfriend to see a movie. I said “sure, cool”. He said we should meet at his house, and go together to the cinema. I went to his house, I remember opening the door.. entering in the hole way, then in the living room.. and there, laying in one chair, facing me exactly.. stood the guy I saw in the crowd. I lost my breath :)) Still.. the impact of that moment coupled with my shyness made me gulp in all my surprise. Except for maybe some huge balloon eyeballs I couldn’t restrict, I think the guy didn’t got any impression of anything. We made acquaintance, apparently he was a friend of this friend of mine :)))))
I felt so astonished and completely blown away by the situation, barely being able to cope with the emotions. The impact it already had on me, only just by seeing him, but now needing to talk and interact with him .. so I remember I was cold and hesitant of him. I actually even decided to skip going to the movie. But.. we exchanged numbers and we met the days that followed. And all thorough our brief interaction, he said to me some striking stuff. He had the keywords I was waiting to hear from any sentient being here on earth. He might have been the first being I encountered who saw reality in a much real way. I remember us sitting for hours at night, discussing life and observations on reality.
At that time I was still quite unaware of myself or reality, so at the human level I felt incapacitant of dealing with him. It was too strong for me what I was feeling, so strong I couldn’t deal with it. So I avoid him, for the most part. But.. I remember one night sitting in my bed, and I was just laying in that impactful feeling and connection I felt towards him … and I think that was the first moment when I had a vivid remembering. I saw us.. me and him, in another reality. We were a sort of scientists, working in a sort of genetics. A different kind of genetics. Something real and important. We were married. We loved each other and we had this nice relation between us. Our work was our passion, we loved so much the projects we were working on and we were a true team together, making such important advancements and discoveries. My hair was blonde and I was a bit older. Both our bodies looked different.
I remember to this day the feeling between us in that reality. We were deeply connected and in almost awe of one another. We knew each others thoughts, desires .. we had the same vision, the same goals, we were impulsed by the same things. We mainly made jokes and understood each other only from a view. And this was far from being a memory from another “life”. I knew – with an impossible to describe sense of knowing – that this is a concurring reality happening in that same moment! It’s like I picked an eye into a window that showed me another existing reality. This was the feeling I felt: of looking through a window. Of course when the “vision” was over I didn’t believe this was an actual remembering. I lacked the trust or knowledge, at that time. So I just thought this memory might have just been a fantasy in my head.
I remember I even tried being with him in this reality, but here we couldn’t connect. He was appearing to me to have such a messy life, with what I saw as a genius but puzzled mind.. i was finding myself so messed up emotionally and mentally, so we couldn’t connect. I seemed to lack the strength and trust, he seemed to lack the dedication. Almost the opposite from that reality.
Part2: The way we live
And this happened for me with a bunch of more beings. Not many. I could count them probably on one or two hands. Beings whom I met and I immediately felt I know them. Beings whom – as I come to see – I share many realities with. Beings whom I feel deeply connected to, loving them beyond this or any other reality. I sense I love them with my soul, and that is a thing predating and preceding the invention of any game, any reality, any scenario.
An interesting observation, though, is that.. with these beings things would happen in this reality that eventually would make us not understand each other or not talking to one another. Sometimes I even felt like this reality might be a sort of bad dream or inversion, where we are experiencing almost the opposite of what we truly are to one another.
The bottom line truth that I find about our existence at his level, is that we exists on multiple realities at the same time. Almost every person we encountered that had a strong meaning in our life (good or bad) is probably a being whom we share many realities and connections with.
Sometimes I feel there is this main reality that looks like a whirl spinning and adhering together a plethora of secondary realities – bringing together beings who explore themselves in so many different relations and scenarios. And we all live all of the different scenarios at the same time.
And I think this truth has been portrayed by now in many books or even movies. Some beings can be lovers in some realities, and brothers in others. Some children and parent in some, and friends in another. And so on. The love that binds them is timeless, shapeless and motionless. And it appears to be always the same beings.
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Sept, 25, 2020