The stillness of awareness, the recovery of self

The stories of our lives

Some of us can feel mostly genuine about wanting to return to our true identity of self.
Yet many of us can be quite unconscious about the emotions and feelings running through us.
These emotions and feelings, in consequence, can silently generate almost all our perceived life.

We know we feel the compulsion to say a certain word, to act in a certain way, to desire something or another thing – yet how aware are we of the nature of these impulses? How aware are we of the underlying forces governing our lives?

Emotions and feelings are the energy that keep the stories of our lives alive.

Emotions are the underlying fuel governing our entire perception of life. We perceive life through the “colour” of our emotions.
If we feel good, life is good. If we feel bad, life is bad. And vice versa.

Thus: rejected or suppressed emotions and feelings can generate distorted views about ourselves and the world.

Even if the world outside seems to happen in a certain way, our perception of this “world” can become distorted. Hence: our generated actions in response to this world can also become distorted. With time we can move more and more into living a distorted, false life from a distorted, false perception of self.

Our life can move from health to illness when we have suppressed or rejected emotions circulating in our psyche.

And as much as we are unaware of the emotions going on within us, as much as we are at risk of living a false, distorted life.
A false story from a false perception of self.

And a false story when prologued for too long can become detrimental to our psyche, our mind and body.
Learning to become aware of our emotions and feelings, means: gaining the ability to heal the possible distorted perceptions and returning to the true story of what we truly are.

It is by this fact that learning how to practice self awareness and stillness of mind that we can naturally bring these suppressed emotions to consciousness. Bringing them into our conscious awareness gives us the possibility to acknowledge, embody and feel them and by feeling them their suppression is naturally ended. Thus healing our perception: our lives, ourselves.

When we learn to feel our emotions our entire psyche heals. Our mind, body and soul heals.
Yet in order to be able to feel our emotions we need to first have access to them.

Understanding emotions

Many people might think they have access to their feelings, yet in reality it is only rarely so.
What most of us have access to is the world of our emotions.

Yet our emotions about something might not be a 1:1 representation of our feelings towards that thing.
Even more: our emotions usually steam from our rejected or suppressed identity.
When our natural identity is suppresed or repressed so do our natural feelings towards things.
And a suppressed feeling turns into what we usually call: emotion.

For example: one can feel an emotion of happiness when receiving a pay check, yet this might be the result of a suppressed feeling of fear. One can hold a suppressed feeling of desiring wealth, only to perceive an emotion of disliking wealth or people that have it.

It is our resistance to feel our very own feelings that actually generates our perceived emotions.
Thus many of us can be at best aware of our emotions, meaning: our suppressed feelings.
Yet only few of us can actually have access to the world of our feelings.

Accessing the world of feelings 

Our true feelings steam from our true identity of self.

Our true identity is synonymous with our natural ego – the healthy, vital part that keeps our psyche alive.

When this true identity or healthy ego is suppressed or repressed, when we grow disconnected from it, our natural feelings turn into un-natural emotions.

If we want to become aware of the feelings and emotions running in our psyche, we can’t do that by using our emotional sense, in a way.
Similar to how one cannot look directly in its own eyes.

Our emotional self is there to show us our distorted perception of self.

Our emotions steam from our false self or false ego, similar to how our feelings steam from our true self or natural ego.

The entire world of our emotions is in fact a world of distorted self perceptions.
If we would see ourselves in the truthiness of what we are, if we would be fully aligned with our true identity of self, there would be zero emotions to feel.
Living a true life from a healthy, true perception of self usually yields zero emotions.
Seeing and recognising ourselves in the truth of what we are usually brings a natural feeling of peace and understanding, with zero emotionality to it.

Similar to looking at our legs or hands. We rarely feel emotions about them. They are just too normal, too natural to feel emotions about.

Emotions usually arise when our perception of ourselves is in conflict with the true identity of who we actually are.

This is how when we are in contact with our true identity we just feel a feeling of naturality, peace and neutrality. We could call it “comprehension”, “knowing oneself” or “being at peace with oneself”.

Emotions, thus, are ultimately a sign of an ill perception going on within our psyche.

When we see ourselves in a distorted way, either too grand or too unworthy, this is when emotions start to arrise within us.

Trying to use our emotional self to heal our emotions is like trying to teach a fish to catch itself.

Emotions are there to point to our negated, suppressed, distorted or false perceptions of self.
We could view them as signs, indicators – signalling the distorted perceptions we need to heal within our self.

Why accessing our feelings can sometimes seem a challenge

Emotions are usually different than our true feelings – many times even in opposition to them.
Emotions come from our distorted perception of self, while feelings come to teach us about our true identity or self.

And many times it is by the very presence of our emotions that we stop from accessing our true feelings.

Our false perceptions of self, our false identity or ego, needs to ensure its existence by emphasising the emotions and hiding our feelings.
This is why many people can stop at the world of emotions, without walking past them.

It’s like reaching the sign saying “Antartica” and stopping there, thinking you reached it.
Yet the real Antartica can usually be a vast territory that lays beyond its actual sign.

What we truly are, our real identity, exists beyond the world of our emotions.
It is by using these emotional signals that we can understand where our perception of self could be distorted, and thus: possibly correct it.

Yet healing our distorted perceptions might not be as easy as it sounds.
Many of us might have gotten that out of contact with our true identity, suppressing and denying our true self, that we might have forgotten or grown scared of the very own true feelings existing within us, feelings pertaining to our true identity.

Many of us forgot that we even have feelings and the natural process of feeling them.

The soul needs the ego

Emotions pertain to our false ego or identity, similar to how feelings pertain to our true ego or identity.

Our emotional self is a map of “indicating signs” showing to us our false perceptions of self. Our negated or suppressed identity.
Feelings steam from our natural identity. Emotions steam from our false, distorted one.

Our soul knows itself through feeling itself. Our real identity “speaks” to our soul through feelings.

Between our soul and our ego there is a constant exchange of energy and information.

Feelings are the channels through which our soul connects itself through the consciousness of our body.

Meaning: our soul can exist inside our body through the means of our ego.

Our soul connects first and foremost to our ego, and our ego connects to our body.

Hence: through the ego, the soul is capable of existing in a physical body.

The soul needs an ego in order to exists in physicality. Consider the ego as being the home of the soul, similar to how.. the physical body is the home of the ego.

Each time we learned to supress, hide or repress our natural identity, our true healthy ego, our soul has become cut off from some natural feelings.
With time suppressing our true ego more and more, hiding more and more, our soul became disconnected from our true identity, and in consequence: our soul stopped exchanging information with our true natural ego. Our soul, in a way, became numbed to the world of our true feelings. Emotions took the place of our feelings, and our soul started fostering and growing them.

As our soul became disconnected from our true identity, our true ego, a false identity had to be build to replace it to ensure the soul can remain in our physical body.

Remember: the soul can exist inside our physical body only through the means of an ego.

Even if its our true natural ego, or a false, consutructed one, our soul needs an ego to connect to in order to exist in a physical body.

When we disconnected from our true natural ego, a new ego had to be build to foster our soul.

Similar to the sensation of a phantom limb, a phantom identity had to be build so that our soul could have something to connect to. a place of expression.

Our soul can only express itself through a valid identity.

Similar to a body, our identity or ego is what the soul inhabits as its avatar of life.

Our soul – the fountain of life, animates and pours life inside a given ego, and thus: that ego becomes alive. In consequence: an alive ego energises and gives life to the body. Our body becomes alive, our mind becomes alive – when there is an alive ego inhabited by our soul.

Yet without a certain identity or ego, our soul is left like a fantom without a body.

Without a given ego to connect to our soul remains unmanifested, without the possibility to express itself in physicality.

Similar to a hand that has no puppet to play with.

Our soul needs an ego so that it has a vehicle through which it can express itself.

Hence, once we disconnected from our true identity, our mind had to build a false, phantom identity that our soul could inhabit.

Without this false identity our soul would have disconnected completely from our human consciousness and our physical body.

Our soul animates the ego, which in turn animates our human consciousness: mind + body.

Our soul is somehow neutral to which ego form it animates. Our soul is equally fine with animating a false or a true ego. The form of the ego matters less for the soul. The soul yierns for self expression, it wants to shine itself through a given form, independent of form. From the perspective of the soul any ego feels just as valid. The soul loves to see itself through any given means. This is why, once our true identity or ego has been repressed, our mind has been commissioned with fabricating a false ego that the soul could express from.

The mind has been a diligent and respectful worker, fabricating the false ego and catering it to the soul.

This was a life saving opperation, ensuring our soul remained connected to our physical body.

The soul, in consequence, ierning to express, started expressing itself through the new constructed false ego.

When our soul shines itself through our true identity or ego, that expression results in what we perceive as feelings.

When we connect to our feelings, we connect to our soul through the medium of our natural identity.

When our soul shines itself through our natural ego, the resulted expression or emanation is what we call: feelings.

When our soul shines itself through the false ego, the resulted expression or emanation is what we call: emotions.

Thus: we can perceive the expression our soul has in our human consciousness by perceiving the world of our feelings and respective: emotions.

And through the power of feelings or emotions we make that soul expression visible in the physical worlds.
Our soul creates through energy. When that energy comes from our true identity it is perceived as feelings.

When that energy comes from our false identity it is perceived as emotions.

Yet when our soul is disconnected from our true identity and connected to our false identity or ego, the same soul substance that would naturally express itself as feelings now starts appear as emotions.

Emotions are the false manifestation of our soul, through our false identity or ego.

While feelings are the true manifestation of our soul, through our true identity or ego.

Both our natural ego and our false one have a story to tell.

Both of them need the power of our soul to animate their stories.

And both of them try to “catch” our attention and make us give our soul attention to their stories.

When we let our actions be governed by our emotions, we give energy to our false ego and we grow the false story of ourselves.

When we let our actions be guided by the peaceful feelings of our heart, we give energy to our true ego and the true story of ourselves.

Hence: Expressing or creating actions through the usage of emotions means: creating a false reality, a false story.

And each emotion is a sign showing to our psyche a negated, suppressed or denied feeling.

Thus: by learning how to “intercept” our emotions we can get in touch with the world of our true feelings.
By feeling our feelings we can unite back with our true identity or self.

Living in limbo

Our emotional self is our map of self delusions.
Using our emotions we can understand where our perception of self could be distorted and hence: we can get a chance at healing our psyche.

Yet many of us forgot what emotions truly are and how to use them.
And forgetting how to use our emotions lead to us becoming stuck in the same distorted perception of self.
The same distorted false ego, the distorted false life.

Like going to a certain country and remaining stuck there because one cannot read the language.

Thus many of us have remained stuck in this “limbo” world of false perceptions for millenias of time.
And similar to the image of the purgatory, many of us have created families, empires, kingdoms in this limbo world.

And while in this limbo world of false perceptions many of us have build an entire life from creating with emotions.

Marketplaces of emotions have been created. More and more creative ways through which our false ego could express.
Ultimately with the scope of using the emotions to heal this false ego.

Emotions were traded as “signs” that maybe some of us could “read” and thus: get all of us out of this collective limbo.
And in this process many of us have become master crafters of emotions. Entire worlds and universes of emotions have been created. All in the hope that.. as the emotions would become more real, vivid and available so would our chance to use them and heal ourselves.

We all have passed our emotions forward hoping others could heal us.

This is why many of us can currently find ourselves blocked in this world of emotions. In the world of signs pointing to ourselves our false perceptions of self.
Not knowing how to deal with these emotions, not knowing how to feel our feelings, can sometimes lead us feeling stuck.

Which is what, historically, happened to us as a human collective. The entire story of this present Earth has been a story of this collective limbo, a collective distorted reality, a collective false ego. Thus: we mainly lived a false collective story generated by a handful of repressed feelings.

And we can see this if we look in the known presented history. Despite the changing in technology, clothing, behaviour, morals or laws what drives our existence as humans today is not that far from what drove human beings 100.000 years ago.

The same handful of emotions recycled over and over in the hope that someone can “read” them and thus: heal our world.

And the only way to move past this mass psychosis, this collective false perception of self, is to learn to read the “signs”.
Learn the language of our emotions. Connect back to our feelings.

Become aware of our emotions and feel the feelings they lead to.

And we are granted access to our feelings by learning the stillness of mind, the stillness of awareness.

Stilling our awareness

Our emotional self is our map of distorted self perceptions.

Learning to read our emotions, can grant us access to the world of our feelings.
Each emotion points to a negated feeling, yet the emotion is not the feeling.
Similar to how “the map is not the territory” (Jung).

Thus, in order to be able to observe and feel the feelings we need to take a step back from our emotional sense. We need to detach from our present ego, in a way. From our preferences, our wills and desires. We need to access a place of total nakedness, wonder and surrender.

We need to go into our heart (aka: our core self) – the place of silence and total awareness.

In our heart our awareness is at rest.
We feel peaceful, neutral, calm, receptive.

When our awareness is in this still calm place within us, we can naturally observe the emotions and feelings going on within us.

Imagine an ocean that is completely still.
In that stillness any wave appearing on its surface can be immediately distinguished and perceived.
Yet if the ocean is moving with the waves, then the waves becomes undistinguishable from the ocean.

As we learn to still our awareness we can get aware of our feelings and emotions.
And as we still our awareness more and more we can become more and more aware of our feelings and emotions.

The levels of feeling

Stilling our awareness a bit can grant us access to the first layer of emotions going on on the surface of our conscious mind. These could be emotions going on in our day to day lives, feelings generated by the current events and situations we find ourselves in.

Stilling our awareness more can make us go deeper and be able to see the deeper emotions existing in our subconscious mind. These could be feelings and emotions existing within us since our childhood, feelings and emotions that have ran in the background of ourselves for most of our human life.

Then if we go even deeper we can observe feelings and emotions running in our unconscious mind. Feelings and emotions pertaining to the identity of our soul, that might have governed us through thousands or millions of lives. Or feelings and emotions going on in our body’s genetic lineage for generations.

If we go even deeper in stillness we can get to what Jung has referred to as the collective unconscious – we can observe the feelings going on in the universe itself. Feelings and emotions governing all life forms.

And if we go even deeper than that we can see the “thing” generating all these feelings.
The root feeling behind them all.

Thus, we move in emotional consciousness by learning the stillness of awareness.

Feeling the feelings

When we keep our awareness still a natural process of healing starts happening within our psyche.
We do this by centering ourselves, quieting everything down.
We cease following any thoughts, any desires, any fears or emotions. We sit quietly within ourselves in a space of total surrender.
Total receptiveness, total “nothingness”.

We allow that “nothingness” to exist, holding zero expectations, will, desires, imaginations, etc.
In that space of total silence, stillness and nothingness a natural process of healing happens.
We become intrrisecly connected and aware of our feelings, and more: we start involuntarily feeling them.
More so: our feelings start communicating and showing themselves to us. Pieces of our true identity start adhering back to us.
Our feelings naturally know how to heal themselves when we give them the nurture of our conscious awareness.

Thus this process of healing happens automatically, involuntarily, without our conscious will – when we hold our awareness in that silent place within.
That silent place which is the heart.

Our heart naturally knows how to heal us.

Having these feelings felt is what naturally heals our distorted perception of self.
Our conscious mind might not even notice or understand the process that happens.
We can only mentally observe the effects of this healing once we “come back” to our day to day awareness.
We can see this healing in the days and weeks that follow.

We can see our preferences changed, our mind changed, our thinking changed.
The emotions running through us can seem different. Things that annoyed us or upset us in the past might seem gone.
Situations in our external world can change as if by “magic”.
Our taste in food, in people, in events or surroundings can change.

Our body, our mind, our soul can start to heal.
We can feel more assured, more secured, more at peace in our day to day lives – without sometimes knowing why or how.

Much of what we are can change when we allow the higher intelligence of our heart to heal us.

By keeping our awareness in that silent, still place within (our heart), our perception gets naturally cleansed and we align ourselves more and more with the truth of our real identity.

Recovering ourselves

When we still our awareness we become a still observer of the phenomenas existing inside and outside of us.
We allow the experience existing in our awareness to happen. We stop any resistance, any wanting, any expectations.
We feel our feelings, our pain, our pleasure, our physical sensations.

Even our own resistance, we allow it to exist.

We allow ourselves to experience the things existing in our awareness without judging or expecting them to be different than they are.

This process of stilling our awareness can speed up the process of what Jung has called as “the individuation”.
The process of bringing one’s true identity into conscious awareness and thus: becoming one’s real version of oneself.

When we stop fighting with our experience, when we “let go” and allow ourselves to feel the feelings of our true identity – a natural process of integrating this identity takes place by itself. Similar to magnetism, all our separated identities, all the fragmented pieces of ourselves, all our memories, experiences, skills, knowledge – that our soul has gathered throughout its entire existence – start to naturally gravitate towards the center of our being.

As we still our mind more and more, as we keep our awareness more and more into the silence of our heart, our psyche naturally integrates itself.
We become a whole, solid, holistic being, rather than a multitude of parts.

Stilling our awareness equates to us becoming the sun of our galaxy.

Then, it’s up to each of us individually the level of depth it feels called to heal itself.
Some of us can chose to only work with the top surface emotions from our day to day life.
Some of us can chose to go deeper into the subconscious feelings and emotions going back to our childhood.
Some of us can chose to heal the emotions and feelings existing in their individual soul.
And some of us can chose to go even deeper and heal universal feelings and emotions existing in the collective soul or the collective unconscious.
This forth category of beings is what we usually describe as saints or shamans.

All of us have access to our feelings and emotions, and all of us have freedom to chose the depth and intensity we feel called to heal to.
All of us play a certain part in this universal healing, and by healing our self – to the level we so decide – we also heal the collective.

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By learning to feel our feelings, our emotions, our pain – we can thus bring healing to ourselves and the world.
And we gain access to our feelings by learning the stillness of awareness.

The silence of the heart.