Journal 06.01.2021 : Feel it rather than fight it

People need to learn to feel.

While in my recent state of introspection/inner travel I accepted feeling an emotion from a recent conflicting situation I experienced. There was a moment in which a person was feeling shame and self demise, and the feeling and image of it appeared to me like a dense raging black hole, the ones I already know from my own experience. Being next to this person I was immediately exposed to the wholeness of the potent emotion and – almost as an automative inbuilt device of protection – my conscious awareness deflected it, rejecting to feel. This deflection was a sort of a nano second, immediate response. It was so quick that my conscious mind didn’t noticed what happened. Due to the deflection I now started feeling the emotion of pain, without being aware of the rest. And the pain made my mind defend itself, and thus I started reacting, rather than feeling. So what I did is basically choosing to act theatrically dramatical, unconsciously hoping this will scare the person and stop projecting its emotions on me. That – unconsciously – led to me feeling guilt as something within immediately made me feel I took the wrong approach, I falsed the pure musical note I should have sang, and the now existing guilt made me feel I need to deflect the pain of it even more, and so my mind has blocked almost the entire situation from my conscious awareness. This deflection and pain further made me become slightly angry and brutal in my expression so that in a sense, subconsciously, try to punish the person for the pain i was feeling. What I was doing, actually, with this brutal exterior expression is punish myself for my inability to feel – which I knew subconsciously this is wrong for me, i took the wrong approach – knowing the brutal expression would result in me further feeling rejected and thus: feeling more pain.

I had to stay for almost an hour and go within – summon up the will to want to understand what happen, to want to feel and acknowledge the pain – then re-trace the emotional road, touch on each emotion .. accept feeling them backwards, unraveling their knowledge and information, viewing the images and teachings – until I got to the initial point. The immense black hole generated by this person, that in that moment I refused to feel. So I was there, in myself, re-living and re-meeting this black hole. Looking at it – exactly as it appeared when it happened for the first time. I felt my rejection towards it, my fear of touching it and accepting it within myself, and like a diver that takes a large gulp of air before diving in an ocean, I took a large gulp of will and courage, “closed my eyes”, and dived in it. And for some brief moments everything around me vanished. Even if in my introspection mode or inner travels I usually keep my eyes open as I like to see the nature around, for some seconds I was out of this world, and whole uniting with this black hole. And I was there, inside of it, one with it, and while there.. it started “talking” – not with words, but with feelings and images, and it showed me what this person was feeling, how it got to feel like that, what this person was hiding from, the patterns it had, the immense damage it was doing to itself by self sabotaging itself, and thus: creating this immense pain to itself and others. And I so much recognised my own self sabotaged patterns, in some areas, and how much damage I did to myself and the outer environment by fighting against my own nature.

And the teaching I had is that I’ve seen even in a clearer way how much damage not feeling our own emotions produces. Especially in woman, who have a nuclear emotional power, but also in man.

We have damaged this reality enormously by refusing to process and feel our own emotions. By passing them forward to the next immediate person, to the society, even to pets or plants. And I was seeing how by not making the effort to feel its emotions this person was really stagnating reality. Its own reality and the collective one. And this is what the majority of us have been doing. Emotions are here for us to use as fuel for knowledge. They are teachers and drivers, direct rainbow springs from our unconscious, and we move forward by feeling – in a way. Feeling is our fuel.

And by not feeling we become petrified, we become like rocks, stagnating.. not only ourselves, but also the collective human evolution, which we are part of. And I was seeing once again how the quarantine and the simulation was needed. We needed to isolate this kind of points of consciousness that really acted more as a virus, in the overall schema of life. And we have all been affected by this virus. All of us have it inside of us. And as hard as it might seem.. as easy it is when we learn to accept to feel it and use it as a teacher. The virus has brought immense pain, that holds the potential to result in immense knowledge. Now it’s up to us to use this pain, this fuel.. and accept the lessons and knowledge derived from it. From what I can see all beings who were part of this experiment have gained an unprecedented type of intelligence and skills, that now makes them have a certain type of super powers – even compared to the powers we have in the real creation.

It is up to us now to accept this knowledge we have gained and to bloom in the real version of who we really are.

And from everything I’ve managed to see: feeling is key.